Navigating Transitions
“It’s difficult to let go of a version of yourself that no longer exists”
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“17 again”, starring Zac Efron and Matthew Perry, portrays the story of a man regretting his decision to give up a prospective career in basketball to instead marry his childhood sweetheart and raise a family. We join the story 20 years on, where his resentment at making that decision has driven an active wedge between him and his wife and children. He can’t dissociate his identity as a basketball player from his new role as husband and father. Luckily for Perry, he is given a second chance to re-live the moments that built to that decision, and “fix” his life, by magically turning into Efron and going back to high school…
You might be wondering why I’ve opened an episode of The Active Edge with a synopsis of a teen fantasy film, or whether you’ve accidentally subscribed to some other spamful content…
The reason I introduce this film is because I find myself in an airport lounge, this week, after a couple flights (and flight movies) and it seems apt to write about transitions. I will offer two tips and as always, welcome your feedback.
We will all go through various transitions in our lifetime, whether planned or unplanned, and they almost always have an impact on our emotions and decision making, and therefore how we perform at our sports or in our lives. For Matthew Perry, the news of a pregnancy is enough to make him choose to give up his basketball dream so he can become a father. For me right now, I have decided to emigrate to the other side of the world with my partner, naturally having a huge impact on my ability to train and run competitively. For others that I have supported, they’ve had to transition through:
Injuries
Burnout caused by sport and life stressors
Relationship issues at home or work
Job changes, promotions
Moving home
Death of relatives/close ones
The inevitable effects of ageing…
Some of us find these transitions quite manageable; we look after the components we can influence, we have a good support system, or the change just helps us align better with who we really are. Other times, even if we thought we felt ready for an impending change, we can feel underprepared, out of control and begin to question our identity.
I had a conversation recently with someone who is experiencing a transition through injury. As a decent level footballer, he suffered a career ending knee injury two years ago which has resulted in two surgeries and a long rehab process. We spoke as he had decided to return to watch the team he’d played for for the first time since the incident, and the enjoyment that was expected was interwoven with resentment. Resentment that he would never play again, that he was better than those currently playing, that he had lost a part of his identity. The grief was still there two years later, and only resurfaced when he placed himself back in the environment.
For this person, it was only after this that they could begin to truly transition from competitive athlete to post-career.
When we find ourselves going through a transition like this, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, the change process from before to after is always more diverse (and therefore less linear) than the perceived norm. It is rarely a ‘I was this, and now I am not’. There is always a trace left behind. Our identities are made up of multiple layers.
We love talking about this at Active Edge and pushing the message that it is about YOU. Why do we constantly bang on about this? Well, a pretty big reason is this is what sport psychology research on transitions tells us:
An athlete is a whole person (who does sport together with other life matters)
An athlete’s development is holistic (there are psychological, psychosocial, sometimes vocational layers)
An athletic career is a contributor to a life career (we’re closer to self-actualisation)
First Tip
One way suggested by researchers to escape the linear type of thinking and recognise our diverse identities, is to describe changes using metaphors such as ‘cycle, journey, relationship, process, story’ - the emphasis being we should explore our identities through narratives, complex interplays. From a performance perspective, many of us notice that training gives us many transferable competencies. For example in running, we can gain greater self-awareness, better emotional understanding, and sometimes improved social function. If running was taken away from us, we still pop out of the other end as better people.
Take a moment to reflect on how you describe your relationship with your sport and performance. Do you use definitives to describe your sporting identity (“I am a cyclist”, “I am a coached athlete”) or do you describe your identity like a story (“Running is a part of my life”, “I train to express myself physically”)?
Second Tip
Both Matthew Perry in 17 Again and my footballer friend show us examples of how the environment can be a big trigger for our identities. Where we perform seems like a closed environment, further enhanced by the separate clothes we wear for each role we play (gym clothes, football tops, work clothes, comfies at home).
Building on tip 1 and staying with holism, whilst the environments we perform in seem separate and independent, we are the central component in each. Recognise how these environments can be integrated. Are you a mother AND a runner AND a project manager, or are you a strong woman whose family knows the importance of health and hard work?
Transitions are strange times regardless of whether we are active in or reactive to them. They shine our reflection-of-self back at us so brightly that some awkward emotions can arise. Try to stay self-compassionate, involve your support network, and work towards a place where you accept the change taking place.
For Matthew Perry, he realises he would make the same decision again, and accepts that he is more than just a basketball player and there is more to his life after all. The lessons basketball/high school gave him contribute to his ability to live a happy life as a father and husband.
For you, you are a special and unique person that will make meaningful contributions to all of the contexts you exist within. They are all connected to you, and they all make you who you are. Taking one away or changing one does not act like dominoes falling, but like redeveloping your house. You once had a kitchen and a dining room, you now have a lovely spacious kitchen diner.
And on that attempt at a metaphor that I think works, I sign off as a man with many talents and writing might not be one of them.
Ron voyage,
Ronny
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What an important read. Thanks Ron!